Goodbye To You
(ATF)

by Leanne Grant

Author's Notes: Notes: My first attempt at a song fic. The song is Goodbye to You by Michelle Branch.


Of all the things
I've believed in,

I believed in ya.

No more.

I just want to
Get it over with.

Careful, one step at a time. Take the shirt off the hanger, fold it neatly, place it in the bag. Take the next shirt off the hanger, fold it... aaah, screw it, chuck it in the bag. Yank clothes straight from the rack and shove 'em in the bag. Swallow hard, blink rapidly.

Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry

Blink again. Next step. Can't seem to find my socks. Grab any old handful. Who cares? I sure don't. I just want this over so's my thoughts'll stop. I've made my choice, now I have to live with it.

Counting the days
That pass me by

I make it too many days without you and the future promises too many more.

I've been searching
Deep down in my soul

Don't wanna quit but, Ez, I'm through

Words that I'm hearing
Are starting to get old

How many times, Ez, how many times? How many times has it been: just this case, just this piece a research, just this write-up? It's gotten old, Ez, I've gotten old an' I caint do it no more.

It feels like
I'm starting all over again

And it hurts like hell, but stayin' is hurtin' more

The last three years
Were just pretend

Were they Ezra? Sure feel that way. Were we both pretending you cared? I guess you got carried away with your role, and me? I didn't want to see the truth.

And I said

No more pretending.

Goodbye to you.

Bye Ez.

Goodbye to everything
I thought I knew.

It's over. I knew, I thought, those words would never apply to us. Once I knew you loved me. Now that ain't so. Was it ever?

You were the one I loved
The one thing that
I tried to hold on to

Still love ya Ez. Always will, I reckon, never doubt that. But I can't keep hanging on. I been hanging on so long my fingers have gone numb, and so's my heart. I tried Ez, God, I tried, but I'm just too tired. So numb I cain't hardly feel anything. Except when you're near and I look in your eyes.

I still get lost in your eyes

I can forget everything then. Until a case, or a write-up, or a snitch, or a meet take you away and leave me alone, again.

And it seems that
I can't live a day without you

But ever since we got together you've been making me try. If I can survive without you, it's only 'cause I had to learn.

Closing my eyes and
You chase my thoughts away
To a place where
I am blinded by the light
But

Lately, even when you're with me, all I can see is you leaving.

It's not right

Never was right. I don't blame you. It was my mistake, my error of judgement, my miscalculation... God, which pretty words would you use to disguise such an aching truth? I heard so many. Reckon it comes down to: I love you and you don't love me. So simple. So ice sharp it slices to the bone. Only thing left is goodbye.

Goodbye to you

That's a pretty word too. Goodbye. What the hell's good about goodbye?

Goodbye to everything
I thought I knew

Maybe time will help me make something out of this. Maybe I can find something good. Or is that just another comforting lie?

You were the one I loved
The one thing that
I tried to hold on to

I let so many things and people just fade out of my life. Never holding on tightly cause it'd just hurt worse when they left. You I held onto with all my strength. Guess it did as little good in the end.

And it hurts to want everything
And nothing at the same time

I don't want anything. Certainly not your money. Seen way too much of that in apology gifts. The last one broke me. You worked over our anniversary. A 'nothing too serious' case that laid you up for two weeks. You bought me a place on a trail ride that you couldn't join me on, 'cause your arm was in a fucking plaster cast.

I want you Ezra. The one thing I can't have, the one thing you won't give me. I want your hopes, your fears, your dreams. You could say I want everything. Just looking at you makes me greedy, Ez.

I want what's yours
And I want what's mine
I want you

Want you to be mine, like I'm yours. All of you Ezra. I don't think forever could satisfy my craving for you. But the crumbs you granted me have just make me hungrier and emptier. If I could, I'd stay with you forever, letting my mind and senses delight in you.

But I'm not giving in this time

I won't. I can't. There's nothing left of me to give. So it's goodbye.

Goodbye to you

It's for the best, or at least the better. God, please let it get better. I can't live like this. Can't breathe.

Goodbye to everything
I thought I knew

I thought you were my refuge, but you backed me into this trap. Staying is killing me slow. No matter what I lose, I have to go.

You were the one I loved
The one thing that
I tried to hold on to

My heart's still holding on but the rest of me is leaving.

The one thing that
I tried to hold on to

And now I just let go. Walked out, closed the door.

And when the stars fall
I will lie awake

Watching the lonely glow light up the empty universe. So cold without you.

You're my shooting star

My bright, particular star. So beautiful. So far from my grasp.

THE END
Goodbye To You Index On to: Don't Leave


Goodbye To You by Michelle Branch

Of all the things
I've believed in
I just want to
Get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days
That pass me by
I've been searching
Deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing
Are starting to get old
It feels like
I'm starting all over again
The last three years
Were just pretend
And I said

"Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything
I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that
I tried to hold on to"

I used to get lost in your eyes
And it seems that
I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and
You chase my thoughts away
To a place where
I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything
I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that
I tried to hold on to

And it hurts to want everything
And nothing at the same time
I want what's yours
And I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything
I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that
I tried to hold on to
The one thing that
I tried to hold on to

And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star

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